Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
