are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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