I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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