I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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