So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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