what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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