Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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