party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
