Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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