she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
