Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
