she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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