if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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