the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
