Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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