Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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