i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh god it's open bar.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
