Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
