I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
