No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
