So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
