Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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