was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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