I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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