areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
