Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
this hospital has no fireball
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
