Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
