Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I cut my penus on the lid.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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