sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
