I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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