I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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