Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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