It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
