i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
