just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
