well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
