Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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