I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
