My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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