I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
