Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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