Define "chronic" masturbator.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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