he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
