you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
