Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
