It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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