my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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