I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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