Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
