There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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