If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
