I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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